memories....

*just an aside as I eat my lunch*

... I noticed today that some of my favorite photos (of myself) were either taken by, or include, a very dear friend of mine who passed away recently. He was a very special person, to be able to induce that particular smile that you's see on my face in those photos. He was never a romantic interest, just one of my closest and dearest friends.

I think sometimes that I did not value his friendship enough when he was with us. I made a point of calling him just to catch up on our favorite books and shows, and he always knew he was welcome in my home. There was never a phone call that didn't end with "my love to you and the little ones" and there was never a major holiday that passed when we didn't call one another.

Without being anything other than a good and loyal friend, he was my staunchest defender. When my husband told me he was in love with another woman, and that I should leave... my friend was there. He was the only one (out of our local friends), if you want to be brutally honest about what happened way back then. My ex and I have reached a point where we can be friendly now, and even he has admitted that my dear sweet friend had been there for me, no questions asked. He was the only person I know/knew with balls enough gently and kindly tell my ex that we was being a douche (though he used somewhat harsher language than I might). He made sure I wasn't alone and had someone to go to the movies with (finding a sci-fi watching movie-mate is tough when you're a cute girlie sometimes!). He listened when I was crying and falling apart, and gently helped keep the pieces in one pile until such time as I could start putting myself back together again.

So, I sit here on this rainy day reflecting upon what it is that I, personally, have lost in the passing of this once gentle, intelligent man who so loved my family and was loved in return. There is still a massive, gaping wound in my heart that aches when I think of him, so good and kind and wanting so little from this life. Even near the end...there he was, looking out for me. He'd already heard the rumors of the day floating about and called. We talked and shared and laughed and cried... and at the end of our talk, I thanked him for being one of my best friends and one of the best people I knew. I told him that he was a true gentleman and that he was loved. I'm thankful for that opportunity to say what was most important before I'd not have the chance ever again.

I miss you bud, and think of you every day... always with love and fondness.